Monday, July 27, 2015

It's A Feeling, You Can Have It - It's Not Mine To Take Away

Dear World...

...Specifically, the United States - because we are the best at being the ugliest Americans, even within our own borders:

Where the hell did our minds run off the tracks? My close friends try to reassure me that the old guard are going through violent death throes, so the ideology was going to be dangerous for the next few years, but then it would be gone.

It ain't over.

This is tough because the events of the past few years have left me feeling like there are hot coals on my brain, and words are not going to accurately convey everything that's going through my head at a thousand miles a second - which is even more frustrating, because I use words to fill my plate with food and to fill my glass far more than is probably healthy.

The "old guard" are justifying hate with a book that is being taken as historical fact (there are so many individual parts of that statement that are fallacious that the whole is so much worse). We have people (who are younger than the old guard) who are taking that hate to all new lows - now, with bullets! - because rational thinking has escaped them. Fear is driving this. Fear borne of hate...and also more fear. Power slipping into the hands of an informed society. We can fact check. We get information and can sift through it. Ones and zeroes are much more fair and balanced in a live stream of data than anything a televised network with an editing team can spin in order to wrap the old and scared in cold comfort with a trigger.

Ambitious patriots are bringing their guns and exercising their 2nd Amendment rights to protect military recruitment centers. Meanwhile, in Texas - the land Thomas Kinkade should have painted in some weird creationist/NFL hybrid hellhole version of the Temptation of St. Anthony - these same patriots are using their guns to "thwart an invasion" in the form of Jade Helm, because Obama might enact martial law.

The people are able to police the police, and those who in most positions of authority - not to "ward off a tyrant" like most think when they're fact-checking at the gun range or church - but to reset faults that have existed in various systems for decades.

However, between God hating fags; all of these isolated incidents of white people going on shooting sprees because they obtained guns and were mentally ill (but let's not expand health care when people's arms don't quite reach their bootstraps), while everyone not-white is a suspect by birth; photos of Cheney all but calling W in for a tug job while watching the WTC fall; endemic racism, sexism, and everything else that comes to the forefront when one starts a statement, "Today, in American news..." - I'm done. This week did it.

I turned 40 last year. At this point (or maybe in a decade or so), the younger generations should be rebelling against my ideals. Maybe my generation is just a bunch of slackers late bloomers when it comes to enacting change and bettering society, but I also don't think we know where to start. It's like my generation got saddled with being the caretakers of the previous generation - like old relatives who both hate and resent any help - when we haven't even gotten started paving a way for the ones coming in behind us.

How do we convince places like Texas, Florida, et al that The Bible is NOT a lost Article of Confederation? That the only thing in the New Testament that advocates hate is not in any telling of J.C. and the boys traveling from party to party? That science (as uncomfortable as it may be to acknowledge, at times) is always better than faith? (Who is in Heaven these days? People like Ted Cruz and possibly child rapists who have apologized, like one or more than one Duggar?)

How do we untangle our history of racial tension at (forgive me) its roots and work our way to the present so we

Hell, Trump is a joke. Not in a "ha ha" way, but because his own train wreck is actually more comfortable than taking in everything that's taken place in the United States over the past two weeks.

I'm babbling (this may have to do with writing about this while sober), but I simultaneously feel the need to shout "I HATE YOU" and "I'm so very sorry" at the country - because that's the product of this shitstorm - which should not be happening in 2015 - we're like 70-100 years too late on getting things together. Welcome to the syndrome of Stockholm and a society that tries to break bad patterns, but gets stuck on the ride.

I'm out of humor (for now). I'm done with taking in information and sifting through horrible articles of people who are inspired by non-information, and act maliciously on that anti-intellectualism.

Do I have answers? None you want to hear, right now. Are my responses set in stone? Hell no. Information over the past decade alone has opened my eyes to quite a lot that has in turn made me rethink how we approach things, and if I'm at a loss for words, it's because I haven't looked at every facet in the gem, yet, and don't want to go with a knee-jerk reaction.

For now:

Keep away
Do not touch
Do not feed
Do not listen to the author

Maybe I need sleep, because no one else seems to be waking up. I'm not going away, I just know when I need to show myself out for a bit, so I can keep going on.

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