Monday, October 26, 2009

Find A Zombie Hunter And Win $1000

It was reported yesterday that a person in Iowa City was accused of being a zombie by a patron at a Panchero's eatery and then punched in the face. The assailant then fled the scene of the crime and the "victim" then called for help. Luckily, the police arrived and the victim was taken to a local hospital for treatment. Meanwhile, the police are still looking out for the zombie puncher and are offering a reward up to $1000 for information leading to his capture and arrest.

Now, I was not there to see what happened, but accusing someone of being a zombie followed by a physical assault is not something to be taken lightly. No acts of violence are, really, but ones committed under the pretense that the target is in fact the walking dead is a new matter completely.

I can only hope that while the "victim" is in the hospital, tests are run to see exactly how alive this person really is. I mean, what if the person whose fist had the safety off knew something? What if the person he assaulted is infected and was just in the very early stages of transforming into a zombie?

Locking this person away may potentially allow for an undead infestation to grow! And now the dude's in a hospital! It's a closed environment full of helpless people, and I think we all know how this turns out:

If anything, we may at least have patient zero contained. Now, I encourage you to find the guy who punched him. I'm not saying you should do this out of some sense of justice or because you are a zombie sympathizer. I want you to find this man and alert the authorities that he may have valuable information on the origin of this outbreak, how it might be contained, and who else might have been infected!

From the article:

"The suspect is described as a dark-complected white male with short brown hair, about 20 years old, between six feet and six feet, two inches tall and weighing between 200 and 230 pounds. He was wearing a brown coat and blue jeans."

If you know anyone with that description, you are encouraged to contact CrimeStoppers at 358-TIPS (8477). As I said, they will pay you up to $1000 for accurate information, but more importantly, we cannot handle (another) pandemic of brain eating undead in this country.

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