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Monday, October 26, 2009

Find A Zombie Hunter And Win $1000

It was reported yesterday that a person in Iowa City was accused of being a zombie by a patron at a Panchero's eatery and then punched in the face. The assailant then fled the scene of the crime and the "victim" then called for help. Luckily, the police arrived and the victim was taken to a local hospital for treatment. Meanwhile, the police are still looking out for the zombie puncher and are offering a reward up to $1000 for information leading to his capture and arrest.

Now, I was not there to see what happened, but accusing someone of being a zombie followed by a physical assault is not something to be taken lightly. No acts of violence are, really, but ones committed under the pretense that the target is in fact the walking dead is a new matter completely.

I can only hope that while the "victim" is in the hospital, tests are run to see exactly how alive this person really is. I mean, what if the person whose fist had the safety off knew something? What if the person he assaulted is infected and was just in the very early stages of transforming into a zombie?

Locking this person away may potentially allow for an undead infestation to grow! And now the dude's in a hospital! It's a closed environment full of helpless people, and I think we all know how this turns out:



If anything, we may at least have patient zero contained. Now, I encourage you to find the guy who punched him. I'm not saying you should do this out of some sense of justice or because you are a zombie sympathizer. I want you to find this man and alert the authorities that he may have valuable information on the origin of this outbreak, how it might be contained, and who else might have been infected!

From the article:

"The suspect is described as a dark-complected white male with short brown hair, about 20 years old, between six feet and six feet, two inches tall and weighing between 200 and 230 pounds. He was wearing a brown coat and blue jeans."

If you know anyone with that description, you are encouraged to contact CrimeStoppers at 358-TIPS (8477). As I said, they will pay you up to $1000 for accurate information, but more importantly, we cannot handle (another) pandemic of brain eating undead in this country.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Often Wondering

I find myself often wondering about many things. Not in the same way that a stand-up comedian from the late '80s wonders about things, but more like a guy who has horrible insomnia, a loaded liquor cabinet, and too much time on his hands with no one to talk to wonders about things.

Case and point, the other night I was staring at the stars on a clear Autumn night, having just seen a commercial for "The Fourth Kind," listening to the leaves gently scrape against the ground in the gentle midnight breeze, and thought I should get back to writing for myself, in addition to the other sites I occasionally post to.

It was at this moment that a strange notion crossed my mind: What if "Trains, Planes, and Automobiles" wasn't necessarily a comedy? (This may be why keep profound thoughts like this inside my head.) So, you get to see the revitalization of this blog with the above pondering.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles was, without a doubt, a great movie. Touching, heartwarming, and absolutely hilarious - yet offset with the perfect dash of pathos. But what if it wasn't intended as an outright comedy and buddy film? What if John Hughes, in some warped way, was trying to make a movie about someone with a personality disorder or someone whose internal conflict manifested itself as John Candy? Tell me it's never happened to you.


Imagine Steve Martin's character, caught in the day-to-day business world, seemingly late for an appointment to see his family for Thanksgiving and stressed beyond all belief to the demands and obligations he's heaped on his own shoulders, conjuring up Del Griffith. Del is what Steve's character, Neal, not only used to be, but what he may become.

Del doesn't necessarily take life too seriously, he knows how to talk to people and have fun. He can persuade people without being abrasive, knows how to laugh, and enjoys the company of others.

He also is what most people, caught up in this past-paced world have lost a connection to, and won't realize it until it's far too late. It's very possible that part of Neal's personality realizes that if he keeps up this all-business attitude that he will forget how to enjoy life and those closest to him and (if we're truly going to read too much into this, while we're swimming toward the deep end of over-analysis) those relationships (at least figuratively) will die.

Martin and Candy go back and forth, with Martin begrudgingly putting up with his traveling partner out of reluctant necessity, like his character seems to view everything: like an inconvenience. Candy's character has kept up through similar situations, and has learned to see those aspects to laugh at/with and to appreciate the good in even the worst of conditions. Del Griffith isn't a guy in a pressed suit, nor is he flashy, slick, or overly-determined. He's very flawed in comparison to Neal, but in a very human way.

Neal, on the other hand, has become the very antithesis of Del's persona. Neal is a serious, dry clean only, "get from point A to point B and then move on to the next thing" kind of guy. He sees this journey to spend a holiday with his family as something that, while important on some level, something that interrupts the other aspects of his life (which seems to be a series of interruptions to the point that the character and the viewer sometimes forget what the main purpose of this great adventure really is).

Notice that the movie doesn't start out with Neal and Del traveling together. Del appears after Neal's first string of major inconveniences. Neal spends a good part of the rest of the movie trying to ignore Del, and reprimanding him because things take wrong turn when he isn't keeping Del in constant check. However, Neal leaves Del to his own devices (talking to people in the airport and selling shower rings as jewelry, for instance), or follows Del's inclinations (singing on the bus or getting drunk from the mini bar at the hotel), that fun is to be had, and positive insight is to be gained. If the things and people you hold closest become obligations, then you will be lost in this world.

In the end, we have Neal's wife, Susan (who has some of the most endearing eyes I've seen, and a smile that just conveys that all is right in the world) welcomes both Neal and Del home for Thanksgiving. She treats Del not as a stranger, but as a welcome addition to the household. I will plumb the depth of scrutinizing my notion to the point of exhaustion by saying it is as though she is very happy that Neal is bringing that part of himself that was almost lost back into their lives again.




Sure, this is probably not what Mr. Hughes intended. It probably isn't even a subtext that either Steve Martin or John Candy decided to bring to their respective characters. As I stated, this certainly isn't the last post along these lines. I have a lot of time on my hands. There are those whose synapses come up with cures for things, revolutionary inventions, and wondrous creations. I'm just picking up the slack for them.

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